Funny Love
by Alex the Ninth
Summary: Sakura thought living in a house filled with Uchiha was tough enough, but it's even worse when other males start showing up on her doorstep-all with the same intentions. SakuraMulti


Funny Love

.

.

.

.

The morning was tenebrous, as well as oddly silent_. _A ribbon of light illuminated specks of dust that returned to invisibility the moment the entered the dim. Most of the room was a dull shade of morning gray that was growing brighter as Sakura's eyes adjusted to the gloom. The room was so heavily curtained that it was impossible to tell what time it was by the amount of light scattered through the vertical cracks in fabric.

Looking around, the young pink haired teenager saw that she was sprawled out on the floor amongst a mass of sheets, blankets, and sleeping bags between the couch and the plasma screen TV. That's right, she had fallen asleep last night after a marathon of the world's most manly movies or something macho like that. She couldn't remember staying awake through When in Rome once 27 Dresses finished up.

Sucking in morning air, she pulled herself up and grunted when she felt something stretched out over her legs. Looking down she saw the back of Sasuke's head, messier than she ever remembered it being. He was on of those guys that liked looking his best all the time for whatever reason.

She lightly touched his shoulder and pushed but that didn't seem to do any good so she tried to shake him off. There was no such success for her since both of his arms were wrapped tightly around her legs as if her body were a lifeline in a storm. She might as well have been, considering how he treated her.

Her legs would start to loose circulation if he kept that up, but he just mumbled under his breath in sleep talk about something that sounded like fluffy Sakura bear. How zonked was he?

She scooted back and tried to free herself little by little, but backed up into a hard chest that almost caused her to fall down onto the floor where she _had_ passed out from the party last night.

"Mmm, leaving so soon?" Sai breathed, his arms wrapping around her shoulders as he pulled her closer to him in his half waking mental state setting off the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Normally she knew he wouldn't do something like this, but when he was half asleep the way he was now, he would be touchy feely with practically anyone she guessed.

"Let me go, douche bag," she hissed in a playful whisper, elbowing him hard enough to free herself from his arms. He winced and woke up a bit more.

"Oww! What the hell was that for, ugly?" he asked, sitting up with wide eyes. He was awake now it would appear.

"You tried molesting me in my sleep, I had to try something."

For a moment it looked like he took her seriously as his face lost color and his eyes strained. But the moment Sakura laughed he relaxed. "Don't scare me like that, cow. Who would want to hug someone like you unless he was delusional?"

"Or half asleep," she offered.

"Me!" A third part offered, raising a hand from across the room. Obito sat up on his elbows and grinned at the bickering pair. He still had goggles loose around his neck even though he was missing a shirt. "I'd hug Sakura any day!"

"And I would bloody make out with her till we both asphyxiated…ed did…did…" Shisui groaned from beside his younger cousin. It was still too early in the morning for him to be forming cognitive sentences without error. He sighed deeply, curling back into his sheets with a deep exhaling breath. "Love….love…bubbles. Mmmm, go back to sleep it's too bloody early for this sort of shit, darlings."

"Lazy ass," Sai commented with his fake plaster smile in place.

Obito leaned forward and tumbled a bit towards Sakura, ending up in an awkward angle right in front of her. He smiled brightly, beaming comfort. "Morning, Sakura."

"Morning Obito, are you really awake or just sleep talking me."

"Sweet sleep talking! Is it working?"

"If it was now, it wouldn't the moment you wake up so I can't see it making a difference," she joked, ruffling his spikes and making sure to avoid the scars along the right side of his face.

He had told her about it once before and had just barely gotten through it without turning both of them into Niagara Falls. The pain had been a physical voice surrounding them for that moment but now they were past that. She accepted him perfectly fine without seeing anything imperfect in his skin.

Obito smiled and closed his eyes, leaning into her touch like a kitten or dog would. "Fine, I'll just go back to sleep and enjoy this dream."

"Gag me, ugly. It's too early to hear anything positive about your frightening mug."

"You're just jealous of Sakura's killer good looks, Sai," Obito huffed.

Sakura just rolled her eyes, used to it all by now. It had never really affected her enough to provoke a physical fight, but Sai's comments now lacked the biting edge they once held before she got to know him.

"Whatever guys. I'm getting up to use the little girl's room. Sasuke, let me go…." She reached down to push him off her ankles but he just shook his shoulders and hugged tighter.

"S-kura ted- fuffbl…" he mumbled, confusing Sakura as to what he was really saying. It could be anything if it was Sasuke this early in the morning.

"Pathetic," Sai laughed emotionlessly.

"Sasuke," she whispered in his ear, causing his skin to tingly and flush pink. "Your holding onto your brother's ankles, not mine."

Her words worked like a charm and he was off her like fire on flesh, faster then she had ever seen him move. He still looked a bit dazed in the eye but soon it would come to him and he would realize his mistake. Sakura didn't want to be around for that so she jumped up and tip toed/jumped/ran over the abstract forms and curled bodies to the other side of the room where hallway led to a bathroom more privet than the small one that was connected.

She should have been far away to miss the distraught cries, but somehow she heard them all the same and winced in pity for the others who were much closer to Sasuke when he erupted.

"SAKURA! Who that F-took my Sakura chan?"

Crash.

Bang...

More expensive crash.

* * *

Itachi looked up from his scattered mess of papers with an expression grimmer that Kakashi was used to seeing from the favorite Uchiha child. From his office he could still hear the kid's scampering mess of an adventure going on a floor above them.

Kakashi was good at reading people, especially Uchihas like Itachi, so of course the silver haired half-blood knew-or at least suspected-the cause of Itachi's displeasure. Shisui was a whole year and a half older than Itachi but yet he got to goof off and play around with the younger kids and Sakura because he wasn't forced to work and slave away like the CEO they were both aiming to become in different areas. Even Obito who was Kakashi's age was up there partying around-granted the guy was giving a hell of a lot more slack compared to the others.

But that was only the beginning to Itachi's feelings of displeasure. Those emotions ran much deeper and developed into something far more complex. He was jealous and a bit bitter and in some serious need of spoiling. The family had him working nearly as much as Madara-who was a beast at paperwork. Itachi couldn't fly through his work and goof the rest of his time the way his uncle could so certain pleasures were not available to him.

"They sound like they're having fun, aren't they?" Kakashi brightly commented, loving how Itachi seemed all the more annoyed.

"Hn."

"I bet it would have been so much fun to play around with them, don't you think so too, Itachi? Maybe I should have joined them."

Piercing red eyes were hardened in the masked man's direction. "Why didn't you then?" It wasn't a real question, only one to fill in conversation.

Kakashi shrugged, flipping through a packet of estimates for another business deal the family was involved with. "Hmm, I wonder why I didn't. I know that even if I'm not the most welcomed bastard in this house, I have enough weight in my own name to walk around and join some of the heirs, but it looked like you needed my company more and I don't want someone tattling on me to Teyaki about how I was hanging around his Sakura."

At the mention of the young girl's name Kakashi saw the build up in Itachi's frame deflate. The Uchiha's hand fell limper over his papers, causing the ballpoint pen to sag and roll from his loose fingers. The narrowed eyes and shadowed features softened and took on a pitiful display that almost made Kakashi regret his words.

Almost.

Hey, Kakashi never claimed to be a saint or a good person, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that if he was miserable and unhappy he was going to drag someone down with him-someone he wasn't all too fond of. Kakashi wasn't allowed to be near Sakura anymore so of course he was going to do what he could to spread the misery around. They all wanted to be around the newest member to the family in one way or another, but some of them were barred for a wide array of reasons.

"I do not have any preexisting work for you at this moment, Hatake. You may leave if you so wish it."

"And if I didn't want to go?"

Itachi was doodling something on a notepad and didn't look up till he was in the center of whatever it was he was writing. He looked up and narrowed his eyes, returning to his usual, cold self. "You know your own way out, don't make me find a maid to escort you."

"What if I were to tell you I know for a fact she doesn't like poetry, Uchiha?"

Itachi stopped his writing and tossed the pad to the far end of his desk, opening his laptop and proceeding to connect it to his desktop. He pretended to be busy with work but Kakashi knew he was listening. There was a ping from the screen and then the sound of clicking keys on a keyboard.

"Still want me to leave, Uchiha? I might get lost on the way out."

"I don't have much more patience, Hatake. You may make the decision for yourself and accept the consequences."

They heard Sasuke yell again but for a different reason. It seemed that the little brother of Itachi's had some of his idiotic friends over from school. Those young ones who were wild and loud were able to get away with anything because their families were on friendly terms with the Uchiha Empire.

Itachi was tempted to let his head fall into his hands and throw a fit. The last thing he needed was some of those boys in his house somewhere near Sakura. That girl had a horrible habit of being too kind and inviting to all manner of persons. Even that quiet redhead from Suna seemed attracted to her-which was saying something since that boy was like a ghost in the corner most of the time. The others Itachi didn't care or worry too much about since they were so annoying he couldn't see Sakura attracted to any of them.

"Perhaps it would be beneficial to act as an adult among the children, Hatake. I would leave before my mind changes."

Kakashi grinned from under his mask, sarcastic more than anything. "Sure, cause I always wanted to be a dad."

"Hatake…."

"I'm going, I'm going. Good luck with your work, Uchiha."

And thus the door closed shut.

Itachi waited a few minutes just to be safe before he turned away from his work and opened up a locked compartment in his desk. He reached in and grabbed something that was five to six years old and studied it with tired eyes. It was a photo of Sakura when she was so much younger. She was standing ankle deep in a stream with her dress pulled up at the hums, smiling so brightly in her fugacious youth.

"Mmm, my poor sweet Sakura how I wish I could protect you!"

* * *

"If we're going to make the mid morning shower together we should hurry up, love," a devilish voice whispered in her ear. It was a voice that would send shivers down the spine of any other girl but it was muffled so badly by repetition it no longer fazed Sakura.

"Madara, you need some stronger coffee if you are thinking of dreams on your feet," she laughed, pushing him back with her elbow.

"Every thought I have of you seems like a sweet dream too good to be true," her purred, nuzzling his face into her hair from behind with arms wrapping around her waist. "If I could fall asleep to this I would never want to wake up."

"As such a romantic it's amazing you are still single."

"Only for you, love."

"Let go before I sick Sasuke on you and tell him you tried raping me in the bathroom…again."

"And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medaling kids and their chicken butt cockcrow," he playfully grunted, faking an old man's voice.

Sakura pulled out of his arms and snuck into the bathroom, locking the door behind her so he couldn't follow her in. She knew he would try, and of course he did. She heard scraping and knew that he was trying to use a bobby pin to spring the lock.

"Good luck with that," she said to herself, knowing that all the bathroom doors were modified per her requests so that such a thing couldn't happen.

Her clothes from yesterday peeled off, mucky from sleep sweat and Doritos stains. Stripped down to nothing Sakura yawned, staring at herself in the mirror, she ran a hand through her bangs and fluffed her hair before stepping under the falling water.

The shower was a great place to think, Sakura decides, running fingernails through her scalp with deep-set suds. Questions arose in her mind that should have been asked a long time ago but were not. Questions such as, 'what am I doing here?' or 'Why was I chosen by that man?' rang out loudly, refusing to be ignored. How long had she had such an extensive moment to herself? Probably not since her last shower.

Ever since her first week in the main house things had been tight with the other males for reasons she couldn't quite understand. There was plenty talk of curses, bad luck and broken tradition behind her back from the woman and men with dark eyes, so of course there had been some… touchy incidents where her new relatives were less than pleasant towards her. The seemingly constant attacks triggered a sort of 'mother bear' persona in most of the males she had grown close to.

He hands fell from her bangs over her nose to stop at her lips, tracing them lovingly. Yes, very close indeed.

Sakura turned the water off and stepped out to dry herself. There were new clothes for someone her size in every bathroom so she dressed in those; flare jeans and a faded red band tee. The Killers were an excellent choice if she did say so herself.

She still had a towel wrapped around her head when she heard the thumping of another brawl and the whoop of a war holler. She paused in her hair brushed when she recognized the loudest voice as one not Uchiha.

"What the…?" she breathed, running to the game room doorway where she found an energetic blond running around with a white puppy nipping at his heels. Kiba and Naruto had decided to crash, yet again. That must mean it was around noon.

"Sakura chan!" Naruto squealed, skidding to a stop in order to change his corse leading to a brawl like bear hug that squeezed the life all out of her. "I missed you since I haven't seen you in school."

"Detention will do that," she choked before she was freed by a punch to Naruto's blushing cheek.

Sasuke uncurled his fist, seething silently from in front of Sakura. He glared quickly to the side where Kiba waited and sneered. Kiba growled in reply with the rest of the males looked on in hazy interest. Shisui was still asleep and the others were tired. Tobi looked like he would never wake up, and no one doubted that since they all knew last night was his first illegally consumed beer. Sasuke would have felt worse for his cousin if Sakura hadn't cooed over the stupid prick so much. He acted like a kid all the time and he got jet blue treatment! Gaara was in the corner looking as distant and ghostlike as ever, even if he did brighten up the moment Sakura walked through the door. Obito was no where to be seen, probably eating.

"Teme, why the hell did you have to do that? I was just hugging her."

"More like strangling her."

"Don't need to be an ass about it."

"Dobe, hn."

"Why you-!" Sakura backed up in time to avoid the rolling mass of bodies they had become. Akamaru barked happily, enjoying the fight while Sai stood, walking to the door in order to leave.

"You leaving?" Sakura asked, not nearly as malicious she should have been.

"Dickless wonder one and two make me queasy when they have their lover's spat in front of the rest of us."

Sakura rolled her eyes and pulled down the towl to cover her bangs. Why did she bother with Sai anymore anyways? He didn't seem like he would ever change. She picked up the little white dog and began to rock him.

"Hey Sakura!" Kiba commented coming up to stand besides her, reaching towards her arms to scratch the head of his animal. "I hope we didn't wake you or anything."

"Nah, I woke up on my own a little while ago. What are you guys doing here anyway? I didn't know you had plans."

Kiba opened his mouth and fought back the cringe when he spotted Gaara standing behind Sakura with a menacing glare that could only be seen on faces newly dug up from the grave. Sakura tilted her head curiously and stared behind her but only saw a tired, but innocent looking Gaara smiling at her. As soon as she turned back to Kiba the redhead's plastic smile fell away and was replaced with that same death glare that seemed to scream 'mine-back off' to Kiba.

"N-no…um it was just Neji got trapped in his place with work and we didn't have anywhere else to go, so why not Sasuke's place?"

"Is that really the only reason?" she asked.

"Well, not _exactly_."

"Hey Sakura, did you finish your project for science?"

The called on girl looked towards Naruto who was pulling some books out of his backpack. "Project? We only had one paper and that was due last week."

"Hn, I knew you were a pinhead." Sai sighed and exited the room.

Sakura shrugged, unconcerned and took Naruto's papers from him, expecting to find exactly what she did. Naruto was in fact late in turning in yet another assignment and would have to make it up with extra credit writing over the week. He was devastated upon hearing this, of course.

"Sakura you have to help me!" the blond sobbed, falling around her legs.

She almost fell backwards but was caught by Gaara who wouldn't let anyone else approach her from behind. That's where the rapist aimed for!

"N-Naruto get off! I can't help you this time I have plans for today!"

This caught the attention of most of the residents. "Plans? Such as?" Sasuke asked, a bit panicked.

Where could she possible be going today without his notice? He always knew when she had something she needed to go do so what could she have he didn't know about? And no he was not stalkerish...just protective. Hey, could you blame him when he had relatives like Madara interested in her? No, didn't think so.

"It's October 28, duh."

"And...?" Crap, he didn't he know about it?

"I'm going to meet with a few friends to prepare our write ins for NaNoWriMo. I told you about that didn't I Sasuke?"

"I though that started Halloween night."

"It does, but I want to go and get everything prepared for before then."

"Who is going to be there with you?" Obito asked, cutting straight to the important stuff. He had just appeared out of nowhere dressed in fresh cloths and looking more awake than the others. The look in his eyes was primal and anyone could guess as to what was going on in his head. 'Who cares where she goes as long as there aren't any guys lusting after her.'

Sakura shrugged, not really caring. "Just a few guys from school who are also in the writing club. A few girls too...ummm, that remind me I need to find my laptop case. I haven't seen that thing in weeks, I hope it's still around. I'll see you guys later!"

And then before anyone could stop her, she was gone.

"Aren't... those freaky artists dudes in her writing class?" Obito asked aloud.

Sasuke stiffened. "Sasori and Deidara?"

"Yeah, those two-why?"

"SAKURA CHAN!"

Meanwhile, outside in the hall the artistic Uchiha was being thrown against a wall by his Uncle, Madara who had been sulking in the shadows once more. The playful flirt Sakura was used to seeing was gone, replaced with a mask of bitter steel. In the dimness his eyes seemed to burn like boiled blood.

"Uncle?" Sai asked with his fake smile, trying to bullshit his way out of it.

Madara shook the young boy once more and the atmosphere darkened. "Save it, kid. You know why I'm interfering."

"I'm sorry uncle but-uck!" There was a hand around Sai's throat now.

"Keep that mask better in place even when she's not looking at you and maybe I wouldn't have to break you back to kindergarten. You may be in the main house, but you don't have to blood to keep yourself here without good behavior."

Sai choked, clawing at his uncle's curled hand, saying nothing but expressing confusion with what little he was given. 'Why?' he seemed to mentally plea.

"Keep your eyes off of what is _mine_! You are the emotionless one, so stay that way if you want to keep your precious eyes in their sockets. Next time I catch you lusting after what you can't have I might not be so generous."

Sai fell to the carpeted floor in a crumpled mess, choking and tearing up as air rushed back into his lungs. The pale boy looked up with something far from emotionless eyes and tried to smile, but it came out as a sneer.

"As if I can help it."

"GET YOUR GOFFER ASS OUT OF MY WAY! MOVE IT!" Screamed a fiery Sasuke as he raced down the hall, leaving flames on the carpet. Naruto followed close behind, but he left his trail of flame on the walls. You know like in Back to the Future when the DeLorean takes off.

Gaara calmly trailed behind the two, hands in his pockets, storm clouds swirling overhead as he plotted the demise of both artists who were undoubtedly planning on molesting his precious angel during their stupid write ins. No way would he let that happened. Gaara unintentionally let loose a chuckle that could have come from Chucky for all Sai knew, it was that creepy. So Sai stayed against the wall and waited till the red head was past.

"But wait, wasn't there the mutt?"Madara asked aloud.

"LET ME GO YOU THRE LEGGED PLATYPUS! SAKURA NOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!" Kiba cried, tearing up as he fought to claw his way out of the room where Sakura had come out of. His poor white puppy could be heard from inside whining away, probably just as restrained.

From behind Shisui jumped out followed by Obito, both looking like they came from a hog wrestling. Sai blinked... just blinked.

"One down two to go," Shisui cackled.

"You forgot the artists and the dog," said Obito

"Fine-one and a half down and four to go. Onwards to save Sakura for the safety of the Uchiha clan!"

"Shieui..."

"What is it, Obito?"

"You're still only in your boxers."

"...Maybe she'll think it's sexy?"

"...No."

* * *

Lame title I know.

I think I can do this writing thing...only my second story but hey, I'm still sort of new to this. Personally I don't think it's very good but you might have a different opinion.

Please review and tell me if this idea is any good. I had a multi chapter story planned out when Sakura is living with a bunch of Uchiha but could never get around to writing it all, so I rolled it into a oneshot for Vesper chan's oneshot. Speaking of which, I would like to recommend a A New Destiny by 00Sakura00. Other than that, anything_ Vesper chan, StormDragon666, and Red-Flower11_ write is like gold for me. Those three are high grade b*tches! (in a good way).

Anyway, please, please, please tell me what you think and look out for me in Sakura chan's October Spirit contest where this will be killer, thank you very much.


End file.
